Because the stars aren’t in the sky anymore
Yesterday I was coming back to my house after visiting my best friend . I realised that because of our human activities, we’ve made some of the most beautiful objects in the sky vanish . Stars continue to disappear as lights blink down in our heavenly hell.
I dislike even talking about it . The memories that I have worked hard to forget. The ones that make all my dreams a nightmare. I don’t mind , it’s better to wake up relieved post a nightmare .After nice dream however, I wake up sad , knowing the things that I long for can never happen .
Usually I used to be the only one in my peer group who did not watch American Television shows such as Friends , Modern Family, etc etc . I was never ridiculed for it but somehow I always felt that I was missing out on something .Recently I started watching theses shows and even though I find them mildly amusing , I now understand that I never really missed out on much .
These shows (and not just American ones ) establish a sense of comfort over people. When we watch them, we feel comforted, satiated that we are not alone . And however different these people may be from us (or maybe not ) ,the sense of belonging in one’s own life is evoked . These shows are something we can come back to, a constant in our not so stable lives. But I find no reason to gush about the characters and repeat their lines . I do not mean to demean these shows , even I feel the same mixture of vague happiness and comfort when I watch them , but I feel that this manipulation of our minds by our own self is something we should be aware of . The manipulation to pretend to enjoy something just because we feel that we should.
To share your grief with others is a gift that I do not possess. Instead it is at nigh when t I find myself with the company of stars that I really start to unwind. My trembling eyes pour out the truth while I smile as I look up at the great beauty above me , surrounded by sorrow .
“She has good instincts, but wrong judgments. She’ll rue the day.”
David O Selznick
I wonder whether regretting is an entirely human emotion ? Do animals regret the decisions that they have made in the past ? Do insects ? We pretend to know the answer and say “no” to these questions , but who are we to answer for other beings . Yes I agree there is a high chance that these beings don’t feel the varied emotions that humans do , but I am not saying this with a 100% certainty. Neither do the scientists. It is the media , the audience who breakdowns the possibilities into certainties.And we’ll rue the day soon.
It took a long time trying to figure out the name for my URL address. After all, I wouldn’t be able to change it just when I pleased . It would have to relate to my moods, my life and my mind .
After a lot of pondering I decided that serein brontide was the perfect paradox .
Serein (when I searched on google )refers to rain falling from a cloudless sky. This sort of rain is said to take on the form of a fine, light drizzle, typically after dusk. This was perfect , it described the rain I like best, with the clichéd mug of coffee in a my hands with one of Lahiri’s books . My despondent mood with a touch of buoyancy.
Brontide however , signified something more real – the rumbling song of distant thunder .This too was one of my moods , one in which I appeared most often .
Combing these words did not entirely encompass my moods but it did weave a thread around my light .This blog would be my outlet .
An outlet when I was elated-calm-thunderous-blah blah blah. I cannot pretend to name my moods for I don’t understand them either, but here I write trying to make you do the same .